tia: tAkE tWo

I consider myself to be a relative-ly rational, moderate-ly intelligent, somewhat coherent, easy-going kind of woman. All of which was put into question, after having spent the night in the car with my younger brother and two doggies, on this recent house hunting road trip.

When I went to feed the girls at the rest stop that morning, I realized that in the rush to get on the road I had forgotten the dog food can opener. No problem. I stumbled back into the car and drove. Eureka! A Tar-jee (aka Target) and a McDonald’s!!! Score! As we pulled into the parking lot, I was in good spirits… I was stiff, in need of coffee, food, clean clothes and a shower, but I was in good spirits. We waltzed into the store and found three differently priced can openers from which to choose. (None of which was a Swing-A-Way… my preferred brand.) I usually tend to buy the mid-range priced items, but I assumed that for my needs, the least expensive, $2.00 USD, would suffice. Must have been the lack of caffeine. Back at the car, after having fought with the multi-mega security ties and packaging, I successfully extricated the opener. I then grabbed the can and attempted to open it. At first it wouldn’t even puncture the tin… just slipped and slid off. Grimace. Inhale. I must be doing it wrong. Exhale. Next go round. Tried a little different angle, managed to puncture it… slipped and slid off. Inhale. Muttering ensues. Exhale. Repeat puncture.. slip and slide… and sloshing the juices out on to my shirt… THREE more times! Merciful heavens! Deeeeeeeeeep Inhale. Now, at the height of my exasperation and feeling like I was in a Red Skelton sketch, I considered channeling my inner Richard Pryor. Instead, I turned to my brother, and saw that he was standing there laughing his head off, which put it all in perspective for me, and I began to laugh. I was so disgusted, that I asked him to throw the can mangler away and sent him to go buy the $7.00 opener.

As I waited for him to return, it occurred to me, wouldn’t that be cool if I could come up with a piece of trash like that can opener-wannabe that people could fork out two bucks and not hold me accountable for poor construction?? Think of the dough!